Right now, I'm staying at a hotel in New York City with the whole Harrison family. By around midnight everyone was asleep, so I went down to the hotel lobby to do a little reading because we all know that midnight ain't that late. I sit down on a couch, the only seat available, next to a man wearing corduroy pants, a corduroy sport coat, wingtips, and a bright orange corduroy button down shirt. He was about 55 and had a beard that looked as if it hadn't been shaved in a couple of weeks. As I sat down, he was drawing crazy pictures on some paper he had in his hand, but he immediately took an interest in me and asked me where I was from, kicking off a fantastic conversation which I would be remiss not to detail on this blog.
Figuring his first question harmless, I told him I was from Wisconsin. He told me it was the best state ever, and that it would be even better once Brett Favre was playing for the Packers again. Suddenly, Jeff is seeming like an awesome guy. I tell him that it would be awesome if Favre played for the Packers again, but I wasn't sure it would happen. At this point, he turned to me and guaranteed that Brett Favre and the Packers would win the Super Bowl this year. I asked why he was so confident and he responded, "Because Brett Favre is the most driven born winner since Jesus Christ."
I had absolutely no way to respond to Jeff's statement. But it wasn't a problem. Jeff was very good at continuing the conversation. He went on to tell me about his close personal relationship with God, and at this point handed me the drawing he had made which I will post just as soon as I can get access to a scanner. Then, Jeff and I proceeded to talk politics. I decided to let Jeff do the talking and avoided telling him about my support of President Obama, which was a good decision considering the direction in which the conversation then turned. Jeff suddenly broke into a long speech supporting Ron Paul as the next Vice President of the United States in the 2012 election. I asked him why he had Paul in the VP spot rather than the top job. Who would be the President? He said that he would tell me who would be President but I had to keep it a secret. Jeff would be President in 2012. Then of course, in his 2016 reelection, Ron Paul would not want to seek another term as Vice President, so Jeff would run with Dennis Kucinich. I proceeded to ask Jeff why he thought Paul would make his a winning ticket and he gave me two reasons: one, Jesus; two, he cited the statistic that if the Presidential election of Ron Paul against Barack Obama were held today, Paul would win 38 million votes. I pointed out that 38 million votes wouldn't be enough to get the Presidency for Ron Paul, but Jeff insisted that it would be impossible for Obama to win another election; his political career ended as soon as he signed the PATRIOT Act. I let this point go.
Then, Jeff sharply tacked back to football. He once again told me how great Brett Favre would be on the Packers. This time, he backed it up by saying that he knew a thing or two about football. "You know, I turned down an NFL contract from the Chicago Bears in 2006?" Remember, Jeff was about 55 by my estimates. I flat out told him that I didn't believe him. He said that he had since fallen out of shape, but back then he could kick field goals from the 40 yard line and never miss. Now he can only make them from the 30. Also, he could then, and still can fly. He claims to run a 4.7 in the 40 yard dash. Once again, I conceded the point.
Again, Jeff suddenly switched the topic. This time, he asked me when I personally realized that Jesus Christ was my lord and savior. I honestly responded that I had no idea how to answer that question. Maybe I had yet to be enlightened or touched by some higher power. He told me that I was living proof of Jesus. I didn't know when Jesus became my savior because I didn't remember. Because Jesus had been my savior since the moment of conception. Again, the point was conceded.
Jeff quickly swung the topic back to politics. He told me that he was a strict constitutionalist, his main reason for supporting Ron Paul. As I failed to respond to his questions, he assumed that I was a constitutionalist too and told me I should run for Congress to promote constitutionalism. He even promised to get me endorsed by Ron Paul. At this point, I sharply replied that the Constitution explicitly stated that you have to be 25 to run for Congress, so I was ineligible. I thought that I finally had him cornered. But he told me that there was an imminent Constitutional crisis in which Al Gore would rise to the Presidency and the minimum age for being in Congress would change to represent the voting age. I promised him that the moment Al Gore was President, I would throw my hat into the ring.
After talking about Jesus a little more, Jeff said he had to go use one of the public computers in the hotel lobby to tell the whole world about what an enlightened soul I was. I figured I should do the same. I checked out some of the youtube links that Jeff told me to go to. They are very representative of our conversation, so I'm putting them here.
Flashback Friday - If it's summer in the Harrison kids' middle school years, you know it must mean it's time to go to Concordia Language Villages in Bemidji, Minnesota. This...
2 days ago